Scott Steiner and General
Rection Succeed at Starrcade

By Jeffrey Cohen

Worst Match: Lex Luger vs. Goldberg

There's no way Bill Goldberg should be in the worst match on a major card like World Championship Wrestling's Starrcade, but the question is no longer "Who's Next" but "Who's Left?" Now that WCW seems to be fulfilling its dopiest Vince Russo angle and having Goldberg have to complete a lengthy streak before getting a title shot, he has to be fed a series of undercard guys. But the fans don't buy that he will lose before getting the title shot, and if he does, they are wasting serious money.

Starrcade was a workmanlike card, but the best workers went against the worst workers once again in an effort to sabotage everybody. Why waste Lance Storm against The Cat? If he can't fight General Rection anymore, why not Lash LeRoux, who can have a decent match when motivated. Why waste Mike Awesome against an injury Bam Bam Bigelow? It's one guy who has gotten no respect since he got squashed by Goldberg last year vs. another guy who signed the last big money contract and was given one of the year's career-killing gimmicks.

Mike Awesome and Lance Storm came to WCW with the reputations of being team players (never mind just how Awesome started with the promotion). So they've done everything that has been asked of them, and where are they? Jobbing for Mike Sanders and Jim Duggan. WCW is the group that must cultivate new talent to regain ratings but proves time and time again that they don't trust their unproven, highly-paid undercard guys and would rather fall back on stiffs like Sid in main events

. The show:

Ladder Match for Cruiserweight Title Shot
3 Count d. Jung Dragons/Jamie Knoble & Evan Karagis
(13:33) *** 1/4
Chavo Guerrero, Jr. did commentary. Evan Karagis executed a powerslam off the ladder at 7:05. Leia Meow whipped Jamie Noble at 9:58. They put together a four-ladder construct and 3 Count shook hand and grabbed the envelope at the same time to win a probable 3-way.

Lance Storm berated Jim Duggan for leaving Team Canada.

Jeff Jarrett asked Mike Sanders to make his match a combination bunkhouse/street fight match.

Lance Storm sub. The Cat
(7:20) * 1/4
Lance came out with Elix Skipper and Major Gunns. Miss Jones accidentally kicked the ref in the face outside the ring, and Major Gunns executed a dropkick to the back. Duggan came in, but couldn't bring himself to hit the Cat with the 2x4. Instead, he gave a weak clothesline and Storm rolled the Cat up for a submission. Aftewards, Skipper and Storm double-teamed Duggan and the Cat made the save.

The Natural Born Thrillas told Reno that they'd welcome him back when he was done with Vito.

In the back, Daffney told Crowbar that she thought the 70s theme was lame. No fooling! As a cue, he started walking towards the ring area and Terry Funk attacked him to start their hardcore match.

Hardcore Title Match
Terry Funk p. Crowbar
(10:30) ** 1/2
Terry handcuffed Crowbar's hands at 5:00 and hit him with a brutal series of chairshots (ala Mick Foley/The Rock in BEYOND THE MAT) and shots with a car door. They finally brawled through the curtain at 6:15. Funk set up a table but Daffney pulled off Crowbar. Funk went after her, allowed Crowbar to make a comeback. Crowbar hit a splash off the ropes onto Funk on a table but he kicked out. Terry hit a DDT on the car door for the pin. NEW CHAMP.

Gene interviewed Team Canada.

Lex Luger took his brass knux out of his bag.

Konnan/Tygress d. Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson
(8:40) * 1/2
Torrie came out dressed like Wonder Woman. Awesome costume. Are these her third set of implants? They looked huge. Paraphrasing what they said about Chyna , "Would the Torrie Wilson of 1997 pinned for Playboy?"

Tygress came out without Konnan, who sold the injury from the opening match for exactly 1:10 before running in. Tygress managed to get some offense in early by lowblowing Douglas and going after Wilson. She went for the Stuff in the Face on Torrie, who dragged ref Charles Robinson into her path. Isn't that a reward? Shane was pinned after a double stuffbuster.

Reno/Vito d. Kronik
(8:15) * 1/2
Kronik came out and told Marie that after they took care of business, they expected payment in full. Thrillas came out to watch the match at 6:00. Reno turned on Vito and pinned him, then returned to the Thrillas. Kronik double-teamed Vito and gave him the High Times after.

Chavo attacked Three Count while they did an interview with Gene Okerlund. Hey, I would have, too.

Interviewer Buff Bagwell let MIA rant.

Ambulance Match
Mike Awesome d. Bam Bam Bigelow
(8:40) **
Has Bam Bam won a PPV match this year? Bigelow was limited by a leg injury but still worked stiff. Awesome did the Masa Chono run towards the ring but took a flip through a table. The brawled into the ambulance. Awesome hit Baigelow with the top row of lights, and Bigelow fell through the roof of the ambulance for the finish. I didn't know he'd gained enough weight to fall through metal.

Gene with Thrillas. Gene threatened to slap Mike Sanders silly after they walked off.

U.S. Title Match
General Rection d. Shane Douglas -- DQ
(9:47) * 3/4
This would have made a decent ECW PPV main event. Shane bladed and got out a chain at 9:00. Chavo Guerrero ran to the ring and told the ref that Shane had the chain for the cheap DQ that the audience hated. At least they tried to make it a storyline with the MIA members tension between the team. Shane bloodied up Rection after the match and KO'd Chavo until other MIA members made save.

Scott Steiner did an almost incomprensible interview. Something about banging Midajah all night long. So I guess they both have open marriages.

A video of Glacier aired.

Buff backstage interviewed DDP and Kevin Nash.

Bunkhouse Street Fight
Jeff Jarrett/Harris Bros. d. Filthy Animals
(12:23) ** 1/4
At least Jarrett is familiar enough with this style of match from his Memphis days. But after a hardcore match and an ambulance match, this third bout was just overkill, and the no holds barred match was yet to come.

They used a stop sign, kendo stick, garbage cans, popcorn machine, and a prop bar (like a saloon) which Jarrett took the bump falling through. Rey took a fall through a dumpster. It turned into a regular tag match around 6:30. Kidman hit his Kid Krusher but went for a top rope maneuver and missed. Jarrett hit the Stroke and pinned Kidman.

Buff interviewed DeWayne Bruce, who was attacked by Luger.

WCW Tag Team Title Match
Kevin Nash/Diamond Dallas Page d. Perfect Event
(11:47) ** 1/2
Ric Flair came out and told Mike Sanders that if he interfered, that Nash and Page would win the titles via DQ. The match was mostly the same as last month, with Page selling most of the way until Nash got the hot tag. The crowd did pop. Nash pinned Chuck Palumbo with a powerbomb. New tag champs.

Michael Buffer came out to announce the final two matches.

No Holds Barred Match
Goldberg p. Lex Luger
(7:17) * 1/4
Bill said he needed a good opponent to lead him through a match. It wasn't Lex. Bruce and Buff came to the ring at 4:30. Lex got the knux and KO'd Bruce, then hit Goldberg, who kicked out. Nobody believed he was losing.

Buff turned heel and hit the Blockbuster on Goldberg at 5:55. Lex wasted time attacking Buff rather than going for the pinfall. By the time he set up Goldberg for the rack, Bill blocked it. Spear, jackhammer, pin.

After the match, Goldberg did a 20 second recovery and got a crippled little boy from the front row, kissed him, and carried him to the back with him.

WCW World Title Match
Scott Steiner p. Sid
(10:15) ** 1/4
Scott yelled "F-- You" at somebody at ringside at 4:10. This is YOUR WCW World heavyweight champion!

First Recliner -- Sid got to the ropes (6:10). Second Recliner -- As Sid was powering out, Midajah flew off the ropes but Sid ducked and Scott took the blow (7:15). Sid quickly hit a chokeslam but Scott kicked out (7:31).

Sid was manhandling Scott, who took a weak swat at ref Slick Johnson, who tumbled backwards out of the ring. Scott hit Sid with a pipe and Jeff Jarrett ran in with a guitar. Scott held Sid, who ducked, and Scott took the guitar shot. When Sid covered, Jeff pulled out the second ref. A third ref was immediately in, but Scott kicked out.

Scott hit a low blow and had a short comeback before clamping on the third Recliner for the submission.

signs:
Happy Hanukah Goldberg
For $100 I'd Better Be On TV